Graduation Blues #EverydayMay

I have been stuck in the woes of graduation blues these days. I guess it’s not that surprising; it seems with every major accomplishment or milestone, there is always some element of disappointment or displacement that follows. Today, I had lunch with a dear friend, Bethany, and she was asking me how life was post graduation. I had to be honest and respond with emotional and a little bit sad. Graduation has ushered a season of” goodbyes” and “last times”. And the honest truth is that I am heartbroken. I have been consistently fighting back tears in the most ordinary of moments trying to stop to make mental snapshots of the emotions and experiences that I will never be able to imitate or capture again. I am currently trying to conceptualize how I am actually going to leave everything that is so great and wonderful here in California in exchange for a sea of unknown possibilities. The honest truth is my heart is not where my head is, but I am giving myself grace and time for my heart to follow.

I am also experiencing identity loss. Isn’t it amazing how much stock we put in the roles we play to be what define us? I love that I am a Californian, a student, a Sandalite, a member of my small group, best friend to Becka, that little Delaney and Evan know my name and give the best hugs, my cousin Erika does my hair, etc… I could go on. But these roles/identities will soon be stripped away and I will be left with meaningful memories.

But the beautiful thing is that my identity is deeply rooted in Christ. So when life changes, when I find myself uprooting (again), when friends come and go, I always have a constant. Christ promises, that He will never leave me or forsake me; That if I lose my life, I will gain it; That He has created me for something so much greater than Alicia and my own glory; That I am His daughter; that I am given all the spiritual blessings in heaven; that I am an heir; that I am holy; and most importantly I was given life because of His death. These are the identities that I cling to in moments where roles change and life is shaken up.

So here’s to an emo post. I know this too shall pass…I see joy in the horizon.