My Love Tank is Overflowing!

I am one loved woman! I love the body of Christ!! I feel like everything that I needed Jesus was faithful to give me today through His people... YOU.

Thanks for all the phone calls, words of encouragement, prayers, e-mails, text messages, and personal concern. My love tank is filled to overflowing. Love is a powerful thing and I never felt so loved as I did today! Thanks for watching my back family!!

Today was an awesome day actually! I got up at 5:30(yes AM) and ran with my small group leader at church! She is also a college graduate and I think she will become a very close friend and future work-out partner! I had a busy day of work, lunch with one of my favorite Texan CBU'erS, dinner with a good and dear friend that is also graduated, and watched Chuck and Heroe's on Tv!! It was a fun and great day of being relational!

Prayer is powerful! I definitely experienced that today! Keep them coming!

Culture Shock and The Messy Struggle

I have been told for months that reverse culture shock can be worse than the initial shock I experienced in India. I am here to verify the truth of this statement. Culture shock has hit and is in full force and it SUCKS! It's weird too because I have never felt so blessed and so loved. My community in California is nothing but loving and wonderful. So I can honestly say that I am doing great and at the same time I am a huge messy struggle. This weekend was kind of an ultimate low for me (eating dinner by myself in my car in the parking lot of Starbucks and going for a run and ending up laying in the grass crying for half an hour). Let me just say I am glad this weekend is over!

I am in a new season of finding my identity. I find that having been a missionary in a different country and having a heart for different nations and for lost people kind of makes you a social outcast and makes people really intimidated by you. You should hear the silence that follows when I tell people about my job and my heart. I get a lot of blank stares. I have never felt so much like an alien and not of this world as I have recently.

I can be honest and tell you that I wish that I was just a normal college graduate purusing the American dream. I wish I could take back the poverty and lostness that I have seen and experiened. Ignorance is bliss. Right? Now, I am held accountable to this knowledge. Sometimes I am embarrassed to even call myself a missionary. I hate the "M" word. It's a social killer. I am struggling with my passions and to know what to do with them and how to share them with people who just don't have a clue about God's global purposes and His heart for the nations.

I am also struggling with my identity as a single person. I would like to think that I am not one of those girls that has to be married. BUT I have never had such a season of complete loneliness. I spend most of my time alone these days, which most of you know, I HATE being alone. It's scary to think as I walk in the next season of obedience that I do it completely alone and without support! I am struggling with really understanding and knowing that Jesus is ENOUGH. Pray that I can honestly say this...right now, I am asking that He will be enough.

I am also struggling in my professional identity. What do I want to be when I grow up? Who am I? What is it that God is calling me to? Moving back overseas? Missions mobilization? Seminary? Professional grad school? Inner-city work? California? Texas? And as I make this decision and walk in obedience is this something I am prepared to follow alone as a single woman? A partner in ministry would be AWESOME!

I am also struggling in my personal identity. For the first time in my life, I don't have a sense of belonging. I don't have a group of women that are my ladies. I have lots of amazing friendships here but I have them through friends of friends. Does that make sense? Pray that God would provide some women to love me and bring me into their circle.

I understand that this post is kind of a "Debbie Downer" post. I am not writing for attention but rather asking for your prayers. I am really struggling! I know that I need the Lord to really work in my life and honestly, I just want to be real with my struggles and lay them out there. I feel like God is calling me to a season of intense discipline and honestly I am fighting it. I am pretty big messy struggle... and would really just covet your prayers for me!!

The Prayer Specifics-
-Discipline
-joy to be back- i find i have been pretty boring and serious these days
- a sense of belonging and a group of women to be in fellowship with
- I would find my identity in Christ FIRST

Where's the Love & Prison Break Madness

I have done two rather lengthy blog post BUT where's the comment love? I know I have been a slacker in the blogging world and am working on it...but your comments gives me the encouragment and drive to still blog!! So get comment happy!!! I will try to be better at commenting too...i have been kind of a slacker!

Prison Break Season 3 is just pure madness. I am slightly losing interest but it still keeps me begging for more every week. However, I was sad to see today that it won't show a new episode for 63 days!! What is a girl to do?! Anybody out there Season 3 addicts? I know Laura is!!

The Sweet-Schneider Wedding

The wedding is a done deal. The happy couple is off on their honeymoon and Angela said it was the wedding of her dreams!! Everyone raved how it was one of the best wedding that people had been to! It was a night of fun and lots and lots of dancing! Enjoy the pictures and meet my family.

Angela and I hanging out before we walk down the aisle.

The Bridesmaids

Introducing... Mr. and Mrs. Schneider

This is looking down from the brides room. The site was beautiful.

My mother and grandmother

Me and my Grandmother

The weather was perfect! Couldn't have asked for a more perfect day!

Angela and Uncle Lee

Shanny and I

Angela, her new hubby, and her brothers

Amber and I dancing...we had a lot of fun getting our groove on.


My cousin Andrew and I.

My daddy and his girls...all together in the same continent, country, state, city, and place!

I'm a Daddy's girl all the way!

The Family exhausted after the big day!!

All the pictures were taken by amazing sister...Shannon.

Reherasal Dinner

I am putting together this blog post while sitting in a lake house on beautiful Lake Travis. My Aunt rented this huge and beautiful lake house for us to stay during the wedding complete with pool tables, a lake side view, huge screen tv's, ping pong tables, and lots of huge areas for lounging!! I have a great time so far...it's so great to be with family!

Thursday night was the Rehearsal dinner! The dinner was incredible. I had grilled Salmon and cheese cake..yummy. The restaurant, Cool River Cafe, was probably the most amazing restaurant I have been to in years. We had a great time.


Cousins and my grandparents

Me, Nonnie, and Andrew

My Grandad kissing my cheek!

My Uncle Lee

Bridesmaids and the lovely bride in white- my cousin Angela

Cousins and the bride-to-be...isnt her dress fun?

My cousin David and I

My Aunt Peggy, Angela, and Me

It's Good to Be on Texas Soil!!

By the way... I am currently in the great Lonestar state! My cousin Angela is getting married this weekend and I have the privilege of being a bridesmaid in the wedding!! This past weekend in Cali was a pretty rough weekend so I was super ready to come home and see my family. I can't tell you how excited I was to come home...not because i hate cali or my new life there BUT because my sister came home for the wedding all the way from Korea!! Can you believe it? So my entire family was finally reunited after almost 1.5 years!!

The sweet reunion at the airport tonight...look all 5 of us together!! Beautiful and rare.

Shanny and I.

The Divers' sisters....what a beautiful site for the good ol' parental unit!

I leave for Austin tomorrow to start all the wedding madness.
Thursday- Rehearsal Dinner
Friday- Bridesmaid luncheon and chillin' with the bride
Saturday- The wedding!

The wedding is in Austin on lake LBJ! It's going to be beautiful and I get to wear a sexy strapless black number for the wedding! I can't wait. We have rented a few lake houses where my entire family (aunts, uncles, and cousins) will be staying! This is the first time I will have seen a lot of my family since I have been back from India! I wish you could hear the excitement and longing in my voice as I write this!! It's going to be some great family time!

Yay for family! I will definitely be posting wedding pics when I get back!!