The Land of Inbetween

My good friend Amanda sent me this link where this jewel of wisdom was found.

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There's a place between here and there. A piece of ground in the middle of take-off and landing. A section of the unknown within beginning and ending. You probably find yourself there from time to time. It's the land known as Inbetween.

Inbetween is one of the most rugged places in life. You aren't fully here, and you aren't fully there. Your emotions and hopes are strewn across an endless list of possibilities. Door knobs of wood, brass, and silver line the path, but which will open? In the land of Inbetween, the paths are lined with sealed envelopes and foggy dreams. Excitement runs forward and fears hold back. And if you stay long enough, you feel the tremors of your soul.

The land of Inbetween is downright scary. It's a place of blind trust. It's where the pedals of faith meet the narrow road of fortitude and where movement is demanded though there's no place to go. The worst part of this land isn't the uncertainty or frustration that accompany it - it's that God likes it when you're there.

While He's no sadist, God loves the land of Inbetween. He loves what it does to us. He loves the humility and dependence it creates in our hearts, so He creates innumerable forks in life's road that swerve us into the land of Inbetween. The unknowns of job, marriage, children, and home are the signs of this uncertain land. At times, people are thrust into Inbetween by mishaps, accidents, sudden deaths, and even unexpected fortune. Some people visit so many times they begin to wonder if it's life. And they aren't far off.

So what will hold you steady when you walk through the terrain of Inbetween? A recognition that Inbetween is God's design. In one miraculous moment, the Creator of the universe placed you in the greatest Inbetween of all time - the place between the earthly creation and eternity. Life's smaller lunges forward and backward are merely postcard reminders that there's something greater than this place we're visiting.

If you're in your own land of Inbetween, remember that God was the original designer of this journey. You can get mad, scream, and even pout if you want. But it doesn't change the fact that you're merely passing through. Everything else is Inbetween. (from Deeper Walk, a Relevant Devotional Series)

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I too am in the Land of Inbetween these days. I find myself here more often then I like, but I am always thankful for what joy the previous land has brought me and the hope of what the next land will bring. What I do know is the God of the Land of Inbetween is sufficient and enough.

So for weeks like this week when the Land of Inbetween alsmost took me down, I depend and I trust fully and totally on the God who became the Land of Inbetween for me!

Middle Girls are Squirley

I survived my first week of teaching Middle School girls this week. I was able to meet about 40 new divas and was even more thankful that I NEVER have to return to those awkward two years of life. I of course pulled out my trendiest outfits in my closet to "impress", "woo", or "coerce" them into thinking that I was cool enough for them to listen to me and attend my class for the next semester.

These are some of my observation my time with Middle Schoolers this week...

1. Some are so very sweet and innocent....some are NOT.

2. Since when did Middle School girls cuss like sailors?

3. They think that people like Katie Perry has hung the moon. (great role model, eh) and their favorite songs are Teenage Dream. Also awesome (insert sarcasm).

4. I didn't come across a single girl that had married parents. Most were either divorced, fathers in jail, or multiple step family members.

5. Most of them are extremely insecure and just want to be loved.

6. Most of them have no idea what godly love looks like.

7. Most did NOT like Justin Bieber. I honestly expected a little more Bieber Fever.

8. Crushes and giggling was at it's peak!

9. Middle School with social media, facebook, and cell phones is a whole different ball game.

So those are my first observations on the surface. I love that I get to share with them my heart and my life over these next 16 weeks and hopefully be a role model to them. I hope they know that there is a God that loves them and that they don't have to strive in life to be wanted or just to be sexy. I hope these next few weeks will be about them finding their worth outside of boys or unrealistic cultural expectations.

What I'm Up To These Days

This weekend officially commenced the START of my LAST semester before I graduate with my Masters of Intercultural Studies! I am not entirely sure what kind of frame of mind I was in when I decided to pursue a dual masters degree, work a full-time stressful job, and then travel to San Francisco in order to take those classes in the first place. There has been a lot of losses and gains in my graduate school and professional journey. So needless to say, graduating May 19th will be quite the victory! And I am getting excited for what God has dreamed up for me in my next season of life.

Recently, I took on a third job. I now facilitate a sex prevention program for middle school girls called Avenues in 5 different Middle Schools in Riverside with the YWCA. It is a new mission field for me and praying that I don't take these little impressionable lives for granite this semester.

So between working on weekends, teaching middle schoolers not to have sex, consulting for my home business, researching, reading, writing, and socializing I am trying to seek the Lord in the process... I am busy! I welcome any and all prayers this semester!

What I'm Reading These Days

If you are looking for a good read, I would recommend "Church Planter: The Man, the Message, The Mission." Currently my small group is reading this together weekly taking a few chapters at a time. As our hearts have been captured to reach the nations, through church planting, we are beginning to resource ourselves. This book has stripped away the fantasy and sexy appeal of a church plant and served us with some reality and also beginning to question our own qualifications and some areas to improve. For me personally it has been a time of evaluation and really giving me some tangible things to examine in my own life as I move forward in life. If you are even thinking or playing around with the idea of planting a church, I would HIGHLY recommend this book for you!

FYI...This book was specifically written to men. Sometimes when we are discussing I tease that this convicting passage wasn't written for me cause I am a female...kidding of course.

On another note, I will also be writing a 30 t0 35 page capstone paper to seal the deal on my master degree. So pretty much from this moment forward, I will be reading lots and lots for research purposes. So here's to being a book nerd this semester (oh and graduating...have I mentioned that)?

Paleo Thoughts

So one of the things I did this year to kick-off the new year was to start the Paleo Diet. My friends Jess and Mike have changed their lifestyle to Paleo and have inspired a large community of us to see what it's all about.

For those readers who are unfamiliar with Paleo basically you do a 30-day strict detox to kick-off a new lifestyle of eating. So as of January the only things that I have put in my body have been protein, vegetables, fruit, and some nuts. Yep, that means NO sugar, carbs, or dairy.

What was I thinking? I mean that means no Starbucks for 30 days?! Well here are some of my thoughts....

1. I used to be incredibly disciplines in the area of food, but in the last few years, I have been less disciplines. So it is in hopes of learning the discipline again.

2. I really need to lose the poundage. I am currently the largest I have been in my life. BOOO.

3. And this way of living is supposed to be all natural and cuts out all preservatives and see how my body reacts.

So I have made it 7 days and these are my thoughts:

1. It feels good to be disciplined in the area of food again! I already am feeling good!

2. I have noticed more energy despite having no caffeine in my body. The first few days were rough with some bad caffeine headaches!

3. I am kind of getting tired of eating some of the same things, but that is because I have been too lazy to recipe and meal plan.

4. Fruit is my new dessert.

5. So far so good!

That is all for now, it sounded a little more exciting in my head!

11.28: On My Mind

Yesterday I received this quote from my good friend Kimberlee who is currently serving in the Pacific Rim. She said when she read it she immediately thought of me.

"God has a GLOBAL purpose for EVERY detour of your life." - John Piper

I haven't been able to get it out of my mind and is a truth and promise and a HOPE that I am clinging to today.

11.27: Weekend Lovin'

So the weekends these days are weird because I now work them. I can't tell a Saturday from a Wednesday. So I am having to rearrange how and when I do things. Saturday at Starskies with Becka still exist, but usually she is the one in the cafe and now I am the one behind the counter.

Tonight was just an enjoyable evening. I really enjoy doing things that are productive with my hands and that require work oddly enough. Tonight we went for an almost 4 mile run which to be frank with you was a little bit rough after all the holiday food. And then we put some finishing touches on our house that have been waiting for a holiday break. So we finally tore down all our boxes in our garage along with hanging the last few things on the wall and purchasing a few last items for the house including candles and a kitchen rug. Pretty much the only thing left that we need is a nice area rug for our living space. But we need some serious dough for that!

I am super excited about church tomorrow. It has been such a blessing to be in our new building and I am loving the sermon series too! I have been going with Natalie. She is a girl I am mentoring this semester and I honestly just love her more than anything. I love our intense conversation that are encouraging and theological at times. Not many people just love talking about theology so I am always super stoked when people engage me in theological conversation.

I also have on the agenda tomorrow to organize my desk! I have so much mail and bills and grown-up things that I need to take care of.

I also realized that I need to write a paper and do a test this week. I hate that I feel like I am finished with school for the semester and sadly I am not!

Signing off after a great day of work and quality time with my bestie!

11.26: Thanksgiving

Sorry that I have been MIA in my November Blog Fest for 4 days! I was traveling a little bit and had little to no internet access.

I had an interesting Thanksgiving this year. Thanks to my new employment, I had the joy of working from 11:30 to 6 on Thanksgiving which means there really wasn't time to do anything festive on the holiday. So I headed out to my cousins' house in Oak Park for a few days to hang out. I LOVE going to visit Erica and Nicks house because they end up spoiling me while I am there AND I just completely relax. I just love it. And she always makes me look beautiful by doing my hair!

This Thanksgiving morning as I was making the couple hour commute back down to Riverside I was reflecting on what I was truly thankful for. And honestly, I kept finding myself thankful for the cross and my salvation because it seems to keep everything in proper perspective for me. I would be lying if I said this semester was fun and than trusting God has been a fun or easy this semester. There have been many times when I want to feel sorry for myself, to despair, to freak out, or to want to go completely MIA, but trying to see my life in a bigger picture puts everything in perspective and make me woman-up.

So this season, I am just so thankful for Christ in my life. I would be a hot mess without Him. I know this is a super cliche but it's true.

I hope everyone has been enjoying the holiday season!!

11.22: Jehovah Jireh

Today I received an incredibly generous check in the mail from the first student that I met at CBU. She baked banana nut bread for me before I even arrived knowing that I would know no one and that it would be an awesome welcoming gift. And she was right. She has always been generous and she has always been a good friend.

As all of you know, I have been pretty much unemployed since August and finances have been really scarce. In fact, I could be really honest and say that the past few weeks I have been struggling a lot more mentally with my financial state. This month has taken a huge financial hit because I haven't been able to work my home business because of training for Starbucks. And let's just be honest, my $10 an hour job at Starbucks part-time isn't cutting the bills. AND I am not sure how my unemployment checks are being affected by my new income.

So this month, I have honestly been stressed financially knowing that some bills are being completely ignored and not really sure even what my monthly income is these days.

But I will say this, God has provided in ways that is always a sweet reminder of his character as Jehovah Jireh. Yesterday, someone bought my lunch and today I received a generous check. And the fact that I have made it this far with where my finances are is a miracle. It's the small ways that remind me that God is bigger than my lack of full-time income, my lack of trust most days these days, and my own needs.

So thankful for the steadfast character of my God despite my life circumstances.

11.21: Fasting

As alluded to in a previous post, I picked up a book of fasting. Have you ever had a spiritual discipline that you just didn't understand Biblically? That you know there is value but you haven't bought in enough to participate? That is what fasting is for me. Fasting to me is one of the most vague and bizarre of the disciplines, from what others have experienced, yet one of the most powerful.

So I picked up this book so that I could have a Biblical framework to answer the why and then fast with pure motives and intent.

In the introduction, Piper starts with "the birthplace for Christian fasting is homesickness for God." We fast because we long to be at home with God it's our own hunger for God.

"The greatest enemy for the hunger of God is not poison but the apple pie. The greatest adversary for the love of God is not his enemies but his gifts. And the most deadly appetites are not for the poison of evil, but for the simple pleasures of the earth. For when these replace an appetite for God himself, the idolatry is scarcely recognizable, and almost incurable."

The things that take away our desire for God are the gifts of God. "They are your basic meat and potatoes and coffee and gardening and reading and decorating and traveling and investing and TV-watching and Internet-surfing and shopping and exercising and collecting and talking. And all of them can become DEADLY substitutes for God."

He makes the point that fasting isn't really only specific to food, but anything that substitutes our desire for God.

He then asked the question how does fasting keep us from turning gifts into gods?

He then reminds us of the story in the Old Testament where God asks Abraham to sacrifice Issac on the altar. The age-old question is why would God ask this of Abraham. Piper points out that there are times in our lives that we need to prove our preference and love for God through literal and outward acts of obedience. To prove to ourselves that we really do choose God. Piper states, "God wills to know the actual, lived-out reality of our preference for him over all things. And he wills that we have the testimony of our own authenticity through acts of actual preference of God over his gifts.

I think that this book will be a healthy study for me and I am excited to dispel the mystery of fasting. I am excited about gaining knowledge of this new discipline and hopefully grow in the practice of it in my life.

11.19: Refresh

I found a new drink at Starbucks that I like it's a Passion Tea Lemonade. I realize that this is old news to most people, but it is SO VERY REFRESHING.

Today was also incredibly refreshing such as a PTL.

I had the opportunity to go for a run with one of my new partners at Starbucks. She is enlisting in the military is trying to build up her endurance for running. So we went for a run. I would like to consider my new employment at the Bucks as a new place to bring the gospel. So this was hopefully the beginning of building a friendship that will hopefully lead to sharing the gospel.

I also had the opportunity to meet with one of my students that I went to India with this summer. We talked about life, theology, the church, and friendship. It was such a blessing to share conversation with him and just get to speak some truth into his life.

AND I had small group tonight with people that I genuinely love. It was probably one of the most difficult conversations that our group has shared together as we plan for our futures of moving overseas. It was a talk about where the rubber meets the road and if we are going to change things up in our lives. We are starting to have a lot of specific church planting conversation. I walked away tonight excited about a vision and challenged to get my butt in gear.

Today was refreshing. New friendships, mentorship, and getting my butt kicked was so refreshing and has given me a little perspective after this somewhat crappy week. God is good.

11.18: Hunger for God

This is the post I would've written yesterday, but was too tired to write and had a 3:45 AM rise.

Last night I opened a new book called "Hunger for God" by John Piper.

It is a book on the spiritual discipline of fasting.

It was so convicting it made my stomach hurt and I only made it through like 6 pages.

Good stuff.

I hope to blog about it more later and why I chose this book to read.

11.16: Blah

Tonight I am just blah. Busy day at the bucks. I had a CBU student come in to the Bucks today and I told him I was working here and he didn't believe me. I had to tell him about 16 times.

I work with high school graduates that my roommate had as students. This time last year, I had my dream job and now I work at Starbucks and another job that is hard to explain.

Days like today I feel like I am about 6 steps back from where I once was.

I miss my CBU community. And I guess I am surprised at how quickly most of them forgot me.

BIG SIGH.

Thankful for new days.

I open tomorrow for the Bucks at 4:30 am. Best I get my butt in bed.

11.15: Oops

So I didn't realize that I missed 4 days of the November Blog Fest! I am so sorry. I guess it's kind of indicative of how I have felt about this attempt "to return." So far every goal that I have set for myself has been engulfed by busyness. I guess that is the story of my life and I can't keep using busyness as an excuse to not make time for the things that are important like running and spending time in the word.

Life always seems like one big game of failing and trying and hoping to succeed.

On another note...

1. My presentation weekend was a complete success. I was so proud to be a part of Cohort 9. We presented our ethnographic research to about 100ish people. One of the capstone's of ethnographic research is to share the voice of the one's who have no voice. It honestly was a joy to share the voice of the Bedouin desert nomads of Oman. The participants who had no voice now had a voice for those in attendance.
2. I was thankful that Becka was there. There is a culture on the Golden Gate campus for this particular presentation so the campus was buzzing of our presentation. Nobody here in So Cal knows anything about this yearly presentation of cohorts. So it was nice to have someone down south that was present for the presentation.
3. After the presentation we went to Pier 39 for seafood and drinks and then made the trek home and arrived at 3:00 am.

11.11: Sisters

Many of you know that I am the youngest of three sisters. Tonight I had the rare opportunity to hear from both of them on Skype. You know how in some families that because you are sisters you are exactly alike both in personality and looks. Well scratch this idea because this is not how me and my sisters are.

Shannon is EXACTLY three years older than me because I was born on her third birthday (and now we are not twins, just to clear that up). My memories of her growing-up are of us fighting. My particularly favorite fighting story of ours involves a new drivers license, the Christmas holidays, the mall, and twisting each other's boobs. It's pretty much a laugh off your chair kind of story. We were the typical oldest sister vs. younger sister growing up. So we left each other alone.

Amber and I are 1 year and 17 days apart. Amber is the peacemaker. She is your typical middle sister. She was always trying to get Shannon and I to get along which generally lead to us becoming annoyed and mad at her. Amber is good at math. She used to help me with my math homework in high school and I remember getting impatient with her when she just wouldn't give me the answer. We were both cheerleaders together, worked on yearbook staff, attended the same college, graduated from college in the same ceremony, and then we both moved overseas at the same time. I moved to India she moved to South Korea (my poor mother). Our lives somehow have always mirrored each others. Even now, she is in Georgia and I am in California. East coast vs. West coast. Both out-of-state (again my poor mother).

I love both of these ladies so much but on two completely different levels because well let's just be honest we are all so different their has to be love on different levels. One thing I hate most about my life is that both of these ladies are in my life in a very minimal way. Texas and Georgia are worlds away from California. However, when we do actually spend time together I find myself entirely in love with them both. The three of us together is dangerous and one quirky threesome. But they are my sisters and I love them.

They are my favorite ladies to watch musicals (white christmas, 7 brides for 7 brothers) with, my favorite ladies to laugh with, my favorite ladies to spend the holidays with and my favorite ladies to just be myself with.

Not sure why I decided to blog about them tonight, but I miss them both terribly. I still hope one day that all of us will live on the same street raising our crazy but incredibly beautiful children together. I hope our kids be awesome cousins to one another.

Love you ladies and miss you.

11.10: The Changing Face of Oman

This much anticipated weekend is finally here! This Saturday at 10:00 am, my cohort will be presenting our qualitative research on the Bedouin people group from our five weeks of living in Oman. This presentation is the single most important thing in my academic career that my cohort will have produced together. Needless to say, we have been working hard to put together a presentation that gives a voice to the people of Oman that we were privileged enough to interview and get to know this summer.

Our presentation will begin at 10:00 AM. We will have an interactive display for our guests to enjoy and it will be followed by a reception. We were able to find a Middle Eastern woman in a farmer's market who will be providing our cultural delicacy's for the reception.

Please keep me and my cohort in your prayers as we work hard to finalize the details for the presentation and that is something that accurately portrays our Bedouin participants.

On a side note, the President of Union University, David Dockery, will be flying into for the presentation. And it will be also attended by many more of our Union professors who will be flying in for the occasion along with other Golden Gate faculty.

It should be a great event and I am excited to see what we have accomplished as a cohort!

11.9: Starbucks Initiation

Sorry for skipping out on the November Blog Fest for 2 days. The past few days have been filled with completing papers, class, and working at Starbucks.

Starbucks seems to be the main thing in my mind these days... Every new job has a day where you feel like it was your day of initiation. Today was that for me. Here are my debrief thoughts for the day.

1. I went to my first regional meeting. It was a holiday meeting. It was filled with red aprons, goals, and Christmas cheer. Yep. Gearing up for selling the deliciousness that is the Christmas blend.
2. I found out one of my co-workers (who is 18) was my roommate Becka's student. It was a funny yet bonding connection for Derek and I.
3. I get to work with David at my store. David was my student co-leader for my trip to East Asia two summers ago. It's kind of fun being his boss again and to get to work alongside of him. I love that kid.
4. The other Baristas were making fun of me today. Which they then informed me that they only tease the people they like. #coworkerwin
5. I returned to my store after a the meeting to an understaffed shift. So I definitely got THROWN IN THE DEEP IN. I pretty much owned the drinks and asked lots and lots of questions.
6. I worked 45 minutes later than I was supposed to without my ten minute break. I feel like this earned me some stripes today.
7. I went in for coffee tonight after I babysat little E and they heard that I got thrown and I seemed it was talked about in a respectful way. They even gave me my coffee on the house.

I feel like I won some respect from my co-workers today! It is a good feeling. I am really thankful that God has placed so many new people in my area of influence- especially a lot of young college age students! College student ministry continues on!!

11.6 Saturday at Starskies and More with Becks

I started a blog post earlier today and then realized that I didn't have enough time to articulate what I really wanted too. So here I am writing at almost 2 am. But really it's only 1am because of the time change. :)

Today was actually really fun. Sometimes I am convinced that my Saturdays are totally lame because I always wake up knowing I will be spending the majority of my day doing homework and all my plans revolve around this. However, today turned out to be a rather lovely day. I really enjoyed quality time with my bestie becka becuase we haven't really had anytime lately to connect. So today was really fun. We wrote our papers together at Starbucks and then we hopped over to her parents' house for dinner. I love sitting around a dinner table with family. It makes me feel normal when I eat a home cooked meal with the Lohmans. They are like my adopted family in Riverside. They feed me and invite me to holidays. It's super great. Then we went on a mall excursion to get some necessary items (cheetah VS boyfriend cut sweat pants) and then decided to also indulge ourselves in some Red Velvet cheesecake from the Cheesecake factory. So we got it to go and ate it with a freshly brewed cup of coffee to kick start our second writing sesh.

Today I am thankful for Becka. She is my best friend and there are very few people in this world that I feel as loved, accepted, and myself around. She is my favorite person to spend my Saturdays with and to be experiencing this season in life with. People tease all the time (and quite frankly we tease ourselves) that we are spousal. It's pretty much a true accusation. But I am so thankful to have someone to share life with on such a deep and spiritual level. So tonight I am just thankful for my witty, ridiculous, ghetto, intelligent, and oh so wonderful Bestie Becka.

11.5: Missing Texas

During my ten minute break today, I checked my phone to see a voicemail and text message from my mom saying that my dad was having an emergency surgery to take out his appendix. He is out of surgery and supposedly it did rupture, but his intestines became the gatekeeper and kept the poison from spreading to his body. God is good! The surgery was successful and they will be keeping him to Sunday.

It's nights like tonight that I wish that I could've gotten off work and headed to the hospital to be there with my mom and to kiss my daddy on the cheek. I just got off the phone with my mom and she is spending the night at the hospital tonight and all weekend. I would give my appendix to right now to spend the weekend with my parents.

It is nights like tonight that I am CLEARLY reminded of my Texas roots and how I wish I didn't have to observe my family from a distance. I have also made the decision not to come home this holiday season. So tonight, I am just a little homesick missing the parentals and a little bit of Texas.

11.4: 9 Days and Counting

In 9 short days, I will be finished with attending ALL four of my graduate classes for the fall semester! Tonight I had my last class for "Foundations of Educational Leadership" that ended with a round table discussion at Starbucks about culture! Yippee. Skippee. Last weekend, we ended my "Creative Expression Across Cultures" with a day in the city visiting 2 museums. This coming Monday is my last class for "Faith and Worship in the Faith Community". Which will be shortly followed by... my last drive to SF to do our final presentation on the Bedouin!!!

So in 9 short days, I will be one step closer to finishing out the semester! If only all my assignments would be complete...I unfortunately still have several papers to right for the rest of the semester.

There is nothing greater than the feeling I had tonight when I left class knowing that I won't have to meet again! Another seminary class: CHECK!

PS. Today I made my very first Late, Mocha, and Americano coffee.