On Becoming A Mother

Just to clear the air.  I am not pregnant. That is not my dark corner (see previous post).  And the only children that I have are spiritual and they are scattered around the world- mostly in India.  But in January, when Curtis Jones asked me to uproot myself and move to Houston, I became pregnant with a new vision.  A vision to mobilize, send, and equip people to be on mission in both my new city of Houston and the world through Bayou City Fellowship.

While living in California and walking in the "land of in-between" I had lots of time to think about what this vision, this new job, this new city, this new community could/would be/become.  I wondered why I was fit to be the one to carry and raise up this vision.  But I guess no one feels ready to be a mom, right?  I wondered if I would like it, if I would be any good at it, or if I would even be a good carrier of this vision.  

But God has given this baby to me.

My first thought is... God is just plain crazy.

Then His Spirit reminds me, He's sovereign and He uses the idiots of the world to accomplish His will.

My second thought is... that there is someone more competent or better equipped.

Then His Spirit reminds me, that my life's journey is a testimony of preparation for this moment.

My last thought is... Lord you have to give me favor, use all of me, let me be significant.

Then His Spirit reminds me, He will be faithful because He is jealous for His fame and His glory.

You would think peace is what should follow but no, mostly just fear.  

The type of fear that is good.

That keeps you making good/wise chooses. That pushes you towards significance.

But also the kind that if you let it, it will cripple you and paralyze you.

Then it finally happened.  I moved, uprooted, relocated and...

I became a mother. 

(Holy Crap!)

Fast forward to August, I finally got to meet "Bayou City Fellowship" meaning the core group of people that had been faithfully meeting to help build this church.  My first feeling was intimidation.  And my first thoughts were..."these people are awesome, how can I lead them?!"  And for the past couple of months, I have been living in this land of intimidation. A lot fearful and a lot scared. And a lot of having no no idea what I am doing. I imagine it's similar to the feelings parents experience when they hold their baby in their hands for the first time and realize you are primarily responsible for them.  With God's help of course, but definitely your responsibility.   

But this week, I was reminded that leaders lead people through their own fear and it's okay. Donald Miller wrote a blog post sharing his thoughts on leadership.  (you need to click this link...it's worth the 3 minutes it will take you to read it.)  

These are a few quotes that I loved in the article...

"...sometimes leading just means being out front, going to the places very few people are willing to go. But the cool thing about leaders is they show the rest of us that the path is scary but ultimately safe."

 " If you’re a leader, just know you’re supposed to be a little afraid. And you’re supposed to be taking some people with you. And nobody can actually kill you in this thing. All they can do is yell boo. Be brave."

So friends, God gave me a baby or rather a vision and a space to lead others to be missional. And I am the good kind of terrified.  I will probably make mistakes and I have a lot of learning to do, but I have never loved something more.  

Movement

At the core of who God created me to be, I am a mobilizer. I love to come alongside people and help them move one step forward.  I have a reputation in ministry for my encouraging yet challenging tone to those God has given me stewardship.  There have been seasons in life where experiences or people have mobilized me and caused my previously stagnant life to be filled with fluid movement that rewarded me with great joy, purpose, and significance.  This joy layered with God's faithfulness has caused me to long for movement in my own life.  And even more so, it has produced in me a desire to mobilize others and to see supernatural movement in other's lives.

But what happens when I (Alicia) become immobile?

Satan has this clever and unique ability to take the God-given gems that he has given us and distort them to use against us.  Because I am a mobilizer, Satan can have victory in my life by making me paralyzed.  Paralyzed to move. And my honesty will share with you that I am in a current season of paralysis.  

Yesterday, I was having lunch with my pastor's wife and through our conversation I realized how clearly  Satan had been accusing me of so many things in my personal life that were the root of my current paralysis.  He has accused me of so many things from laziness, to ugliness, to  lack of spiritual maturity, to convincing me that I am the last person on the planet that is equipped for my job at Bayou City Fellowship. It wasn't until sharing all the things that I was struggling with that this theme of accusation became so clear.  And that my feelings of lack of worth and position in Christ was less about me and more about Satan's accusations against me.  Satan has been working over-time in his accusations towards me and sadly I have believed every single accusation. The result has been paralysis and stagnancy. He's sooo very clever. If he can paralyze me, then I am noneffective and not living in truth.  Yet, the TRUTH  is that Christ purchased with His own blood,  all of my sin and shame and He accuses me of nothing!

Yesterday evening, I also had the joy of sitting with a new sister Crista, and share my entire life story and all my dark corners and all the accusations that Satan has been holding over me. There is such freedom in Truth and bringing light to dark corners.There is freedom in accountability and letting people know you.  Today, I feel so much freedom.  I feel movement and fluid leaking back in my bones. I feel joy and purpose returning.  And I am un-threatened by the accusations, even today, that Satan has thrown in my direction. Victory.

There is no more freedom and joy than what we can find in the gospel (life, death, burial, and resurrection) of Jesus Christ.  He paid it all.

What are the God-given gifts or things in your life that Satan has distorted to use against you?  I pray that you can find truth in Victory today.

I am ready to meet Her.

This Sunday is the big day.
The day that Bayou City Fellowship opens it's door to the city of Houston for the first time.
I couldn't be MORE excited.

I can't wait to meet our church.
We have been talking and preparing, and flirting with the idea of Her for so long.
But on Sunday, the Blind date expectations will be over.
We will get to meet our church finally.
She will be beautiful.

We will get to know what She looks like.
Who She will attract.
What She can accomplish around the globe and in our city.
Whose lives She will transform.
What She will be most passionate about.

But more importantly, I am ready to get my hands dirty.
I am ready to grow in love with Her more than I already do.
I am ready to serve Her.
I am ready to give my life to Her.

Bayou City Fellowship, I can't wait to meet you!
I know you won't disappoint!

Impressions as of late

I can't believe that I have lived in Houston for over a month now.  I know many people have been asking for an update or wanting to know how life has been in my new city and in my new role as a church planter.  Life honestly is normal and not flashy.  I am adjusting to living alone, eating lots of meals in different people's homes, serving lots of coffee, and navigating my new city with my GPS in hand.  I am this sick human in the fact that I see my adjustment as very academic and can predict my own stages of culture shock.  I had kind of a rough lonely week at about week 3, but knew it was about that time of my adjustment and that it should happen and that it would pass. However, these are some impressions or thoughts that I have had along the way.

1. Living with Andy and Corey is like taking a class in home ec and wood shop 101.  They make quite the pair.    Andy is quite the handy man (saws, air guns, routers, and work benches) and Corey is quite creative crafty (glue, paint, stain, signs, and the perfect eye).  Their weekends home have been spent building tables and signs for the opening of our church.  They let me help out and it makes me dig deep into my creative side.  I am still loving living with them on the weekends, they are one of my biggest blessings.

2. I find myself on my new churches website ALL THE TIME.  I am obsessed with seeing fruit of something tangible of what God is doing and somehow I just keep ending up there.  There seems to be something new added everyday.  Today we got a link for online giving!  

3. The men at my church have made an impression on me.  It has been awesome to see so many men who are loving their wives, parenting, established in their careers, and helping build the church.  No bans here. 

4. I have had the joy of hearing different families stories of how God called them to plant Bayou City Fellowship. It has been beautiful to see a God who is on the move, rearranging lives, and moving people towards mission.

5. I have never been so honored to serve under a pastor who understands missional living and will be relentless to teach it from the pulpit.  

6. Our church has not had to raise any money thus far for our church plant.  How crazy is that?!  Another handprint of God's faithfulness.

7. I have visibly seen the body of Christ working together to be the Church.  It takes a lot of amazing gifts and talents both spiritual and tentmaking.  It has been awesome to see each person contribute their piece to the puzzle that is building this church... from budgets, to coding websites, to leading worship, to becoming a business, to everything.  The body working together is beautiful and I have a tangible lived out example that it will forever mark this season of life for me.

8. I haven't  been excited about ministry and what God can do through the Church in my entire life.  I am excited for the days to come.

9.  Starbucks for some reason decided to tell me I would get full-time hours, but in fact has been only giving me 20.  So I am kind of in a pickle.  Trying to see about transferring, but don't want to.  So we shall see.

10.  I am kind of bored these days.  I should probably be busier, but life is just simple right now.  No school classes or homework, no trips to San Francisco, a very small but growing community, and trying to manage my time that is free for something productive.  I fight lazyness and the heat.  

Hope

Today, I got the privilege of visiting my good friend Michael. Michael and I are education buddies. I started attending the same private Christian school as him in third grade and he was one of the 13 people I graduated high school with. And it turns out, that my encouragement for him to come visit Dallas Baptist University our freshmen year was the reason he eventually transferred in our sophomore year. He became a good friend during our college years and a friendship that I knew would last for awhile.

For the past several years, he has been battling Leukemia. He started another round of chemotherapy this morning and will have a bone marrow transplant soon. It's amazing how life can always turn out differently than you expect. But it's always encouraging to see people of God take the difficulties that life throws them and take it with grace, humility, and hope. This is what he wrote about Hope yesterday, the day before he starts another round of chemo.

Hope

Hope has a good memory, but he knows what is worth focusing on.

Hope thinks bad things are causes and good things are effects.

Hope understands Faith better than anyone.

Probability and Statistics are jealous of Hope because he knows more than they do.

Hope lives on the same street as Fear and Anger, but he can shut them up when they throw loud parties.

Hope likes nothing better than winding up Thankfulness and letting him rant.

Hope is hardier than a cockroach and has a longer shelf-life than a Twinkie. He can come back to life, even when you think he is dead.

Hope seems dull in the sun, but he shines in the shadows.

When Hope breaks wind, he owns up and moves on.

Hope knows how to laugh at himself.

Hope cares about the body, but his real business is with the soul.

Hope has many faces. He looks like you and me when we pray for and encourage others. He always looks a little like Christ.

When Hope gets down, he leans on Love and Trust.

Hope is a little taller than Suffering.

Yes. Please.

It's official, I am going to INDIA in December.

I get to be reunited with one of my deepest loves.

This time, I get the opportunity to see the work and ministry of As Our Own.

My pastor Curtis and his wife Amanda are board members of this awesome ministry.

My new church, Bayou City Fellowship, will be partnering with this organization and I get the privilege of putting boots on the ground. So really, my trip in December will be primarily a vision trip to see how our church can specifically partner with this organization.

As Our Own is a Christ-based, community-driven movement in India that rescues vulnerable children from certain enslavement and exploitation, caring for them as our own.

The following poem is used as a philosophical guide to those working on Christian Community Development.

Go to the people
Live among them
Learn from them
Love them
Start with what they know
Build on what they have:
But of the best leaders When their task is done
The people will remark "We have done it ourselves."

http://www.ccda.org/philosophy

Life as a Houstonian

I have been in Houston for two weeks officially. And all I have to say is that I got THE hook-up. I can in full truth say that I love Houston. Even the triple digit temperatures and incredibly awful humidity have not clouded my judgement of how great it is to be in Houston. I feel as though I have received an upgrade in life.

For some reason, my previous impression of Houston was a "concrete humid hell hole." But to my great surprise it is actually quite beautiful. One thing that I love about Houston is the awesome tall trees that line the streets, fill neighborhoods, and frame backyards. The houses are brick and have a lot of character. It is also so very international. The nations are HERE! I have never lived in a city where I have heard so many languages and seen so many colors of skin. This place makes my internationals heart oh so very happy!

I also absolutely love Andy, Corey, and Whittaker (2yr old stud). They are the hospitable and generous people that I moved in with. They live in an awesome part of Houston that I honestly love. It is a great location in the city and it's beautiful. Corey is also a fantastic interior designer and their/my house looks like Anthropologie on the inside, maybe even better. Their house is sooo cute and relaxing and also a great house for entertaining. More importantly, I have just already fallen in love with this family. I think they are awesome and thankful that God has allowed our lives to intersect in this season of my life.

I have worked one full week at my new Starbucks. I am also blessed in the Starbucks that God placed me. It is the epitome of how a Starbucks was originally created. It is located in a very affluent neighborhood. Basically all of the customers are "regulars" and they all considered it "their" Starbucks. I got introduced to key "regulars". It is almost as if new partners are like new family members. My new Starbucks is just a cafe with no drive-thru. So the pace is slow in comparison. It's weird to have time to connect with customers and at times can be a little boring. The manager is great and my staff is very multi-cultural. The only negative thing is that I am not sure I will get full-time hours and I got $1 less an hour when I transferred. But I can't help but acknowledge God's providence in placing me here.

I have had two weeks of meeting with the core group of people that are helping to build Bayou City Fellowship. I will be honest and say that my first week meeting them a feeling of intimidation came over me. It was the good, healthy kind. I can't believe that God has given me a position to lead and love people towards mission. These families look like they have a lot to teach me. I still feel a little lost and am learning people's names, but it is exciting to think of what God might do with these people. I am excited to get our hands dirty.

It is honestly just great to be back in Texas. It's nice to see stores, grocery stores, and places that are just apart of my roots. My mom was even able to drive to Houston and spend the night with me. I miss California and my best friends something fierce. But I have also seen God's hand-print all over my steps and the situations I find myself in. So I can't help but get excited to see what He has in store for me and His kingdom in this next season.

I would still appreciate your prayers. Two things that I am praying for and asking prayer for is vision and wisdom.

The Perfect Day

...The saddest thing about life is you don't remember half of it. You don't remember half of half of it. Not even a tiny percentage, if you want to know the truth. I have this friend Bob who writes down everything he remembers. If he remembers dropping an ice cream cone on his lap when he was seven, he writes it down. The last time I talked to Bob, he had written more than 500 pages of memories. He's the only guy I know who remembers his life. He said he captures memories, because if he forgets them it's as though they didn't happen; it's as though he hadn't lived the parts he doesn't remember.... Bob and God will probably talk for days. Page 1 of "A Million Miles in A Thousand Years" by Donald Miller.

Yesterday was one of those days that if I had a journal of memories, like Bob's, I would want to capture every memory, every moment, that was strung together to create this perfect day. There are no words to describe the beauty of this day. We were hedonists taking in the beauty of the creation that the Perfect Creator left as a gift for His created. And in partaking of such a feast, we enjoyed the fat of the land and I felt more alive than I have felt in too long.

Housing in Houston

I have had a lot of people recently ask me about my housing situation in Houston.

After visiting Texas in March, I felt strongly that I was suppose to live with a family when I moved to Houston.

This conclusion is based mostly on my current financial situation. Losing a job and collecting on unemployment this past year doesn't exactly make a recipe for making bank. Because I have been traveling the country for the past 6 years, I own nothing. I MEAN NOTHING. So signing a lease, making down payments, buying furniture, finding a location, and roommates, were just several things that seemed less than ideal for my situation. I have also recently come out of credit card debt (yes!) and I really need to start making some moves towards financial freedom. I would also like to work towards one of those things called...oh yes... a savings account. I am in my late twenties and I don't see a joint income coming anytime soon. So really living with a family just seemed like a wise financial move.

So within the next month, to my pure surprise, I got an email from a family offering me a room and a place to live! It was such a beautiful sign of God's provision. And it was such an answer to prayer! I love how God impresses things on our hearts for a reason.

All this to say, I will be living with Corey and Andy and their 2 year old son and chocolate lab. They are a couple that is helping build our church plant and I also went to college and church with this lovely couple. The funny thing is we weren't really friends. I found this picture of us in Honduras. Is is sad that I didn't even know we went to Honduras together?! They were the "cool kids" back then and I was shy and insecure and not so cool kid. Oh how we all change!

So anyways, life will be really different for me in a short month as I leave the independence of my own home and take a new journey of literally living in community with another family! I feel like this is backwards. Most people my age would be established, have their own place, and maybe at least own a bed. God's faithful provision is a little counter cultural but I am thankful I get to be under his umbrella of provision as I seek Him.

*There are actually 4 people from our church plant in this picture in Honduras! You never know how God brings people and relationships back together!

I want to pick a fight with California.

But unfortunately these days she is more lovely than ever.

It's always easier to leave a place you hate.

But thankful this place holds more meaning and love than my little Alicia heart can contain.

I recently have had the joy of enjoying the ROI of my close to four years of my Cali residency. I have been filling my time with lots of coffee dates, shared meals, and just soaking in random spontaneous moments with my roommates.

This has also made me incredibly bi-polar. I find myself having really awesome highs followed by really low lows. So you might see me laughing till my belly aches followed by my mascara-ridden cheeks. The truth is I have awesome friends. People that genuinely love me and people I am honored to know and to be a part of my story, and that have given meaning to my life here. It is my community that makes leaving so painful.

I am working hard to preserve memories but also to create new memories.

In the next three weeks I have a lot to look forward to because I have lots of people that love me!

1. Turning my house into a dance floor that will involve heels, red lipstick, hair down, and some major swag.

2. A trip to Santa Barbara with my roommate and her work bestie Bru. Bru has told us to just bring cash and a book. He has something up his sleeve.

3. Last everyday may gathering that will involve witty banter, BBQ, and hopefully some good ol' laughs.

4. Becka and Kim have planned a surprise destination overnight excursion next week. They have been planning for days quite sneakily.

5. My going away party that Becka has also been working on some crazy thoughtful project to bless me.

6. A two-day birthday excursion in Las Vegas with 7 of my best friends.

7. A 10 day road trip with the ladies of 611 to Vegas, Grand Canyon, San Antonio, and Houston for our last hoorah together.

These next few weeks literally might be the funnest and most blessed days of my life. I am one loved girl and my love tank these days is gushing with love.

Celebrating from Afar

Yesterday, my new church had their first (of many) baptisms.

This is something I will never stop getting excited about.

This was captured by the beautiful Melissa Fitzpatrick.

A Resource for Reluctant Brilliance Question #3

Q: How do you propose Christians should choose a church? We hear a lot that music is bad, speaking is bad etc, and therefore, I do not choose said church. Are we always led to great churches (Houston) or do we pick? *Disclaimer: I chuckled to myself that you asked me a question regarding church. I have wrestled with the idea of church and this exact question for so many years. So I am by no means an expert, but rather someone that is answering this out of my own journey to find an answer to this same question.

A: The first place I would start is to develop a working biblical ecclesiology. Ecclesiology is the term used in theology that is devoted to the study of the church. Developing a biblical ecclesiology will serve as a road map for understanding what a Biblical church should or should not look like.

Thankfully, before Jesus left, he gave us a few clues of what His people, the church, were supposed to be about.

Before Jesus ascends into heaven, he begins to prescribe the next step to His followers. He knew, without a doubt, that his disciples would be lost without Him. So he did what any good parent does before they leave. He wrote instructions CLEARLY so that they would know what to do.

• We find Jesus in the gospels telling his disciples, “I will build my Church.”
• We also find Jesus giving his people a mandate right before he ascends into heaven…

“All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you.” Matthew 28:18-20.

• Then in Acts 1:8 (which is also the thesis statement of the entire book of Acts), there is another bullet point of direction.

“But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit has come upon you, and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the ends of the earth.

• Then after Jesus’ ascension, while the disciples were waiting for the next step, the Holy Spirit makes his presence clear through some crazy tongues of fire and understanding of different languages. Shortly following, thousands of people are saved because the disciples spoke through the power of the Holy Spirit and essentially Christianity and the church is birthed.

• In the beginning of Acts, all we know is that Jesus gave His people the Holy Spirit and a mandate to not keep the message of salvation to themselves (Jews) but to share it with the world (Gentiles). And the book of Acts is the documentation of how the spread of Christianity and how the church expanded.

Throughout the books of Acts, we see the people of God gathering together. They are organizing themselves for the purpose spreading the gospel. There are secondary things that happen such as worship, fellowship, and teaching, but the primary purpose is to share the Good News to the ends of the earth. We see persecution and disagreement as a catalyst for sending people to the ends of the earth. The church was sent out. It’s primary purpose has always been outward, never inward.

Mark Driscoll gives this definition of the Church in his Book “Doctrine”.

• The local church is a community of regenerated believers who confess Jesus Christ as Lord. In obedience to Scripture they organize under qualified leadership, gather regularly for preaching and worship, observe the biblical sacraments of baptism and Communion, are unified by the Spirit, and are disciplined for holiness, and scatter to fulfill the Great Commandments and the Great Commission as missionaries to the world for God’s glory and their joy.

Each of these bolded phrases are different characteristics or principles of the church. It is important to make this distinction between principle and method. These principles are timeless, Biblical, and evident across cultures. These principles provide context or an ecclesiology for evaluating churches. I would suggest that you turn these bolded phrases into a credential “checklist” for finding a church. These bolded statements are also 8 different blog posts, so I won’t elaborate on them.

These principles manifest themselves differently depending on the culture and context in which they exist. Methods include things such as music preference, a pastor’s specific preaching style, or even the trendiness of the building. Methods unfortunately are usually the primary things that people base their decision of where to attend or where not to attend. Somehow as believers, we have become consumers and base our decisions on what a church can do for us personally (inward focus).

The Alicia summary of all of this is…

The purpose of the church is to be a sent people (outward focus) to a world that desperately needs to hear the gospel. It should be the training ground for people to learn how to share their faith, to disciple those they lead to Christ, and to encourage those to do the same thing (evangelize, disciple, send out). Then there is beauty in the fellowship of saints and worshipping with like-minded individuals. We soak up Scripture because it is our guide and our fuel to keep us going. When these things are central then somehow methods become less important. So as you pick a church, find out if they have a global purpose. How well do they disciple? Are new people coming to Christ? Are people being sent out?

I think that choosing a church can be one of the biggest challenges that we face. I speak from personal experience and a lot of wrestling with the dissatisfaction of my church experiences. But typically this is because I was looking for a church that met my needs, when really I should be looking for a church that needs me to contribute something. Maybe there are times we choose a church because their greatest weakness (and sometimes our biggest frustration) is the exact strength you have. And the reason why you choose to be at a church is because they need a catalyst for change. You might be that catalyst. Choose to serve where you can be poured out and add value to the body of Christ.

The times where I have been most content in my church were the times that I was serving and contributing to the body of Christ. It is a lot harder to complain or be dissatisfied when you are doing ministry and have your hands dirty with service. So maybe the best thing you can do to be apart of a church is to serve her.

I find church to be so very important. It is sad to see so few people really committed to a local body. The church is the war room. I think moving across the country to be a part of a church is kind of the exception, but whatever we do, we need to give our lives to the local church. We will be missing out on one of the greatest institutions that God blessed on this earth. So if you struggle with being committed to your church ask why. Maybe it’s because we aren’t apart of the real purpose of evangelizing, discipling, and sending out. Once we start to be about the original purpose and intent of the church, we might find ourselves needing the local church in new ways. It stops becoming a place that meets our personal needs but becomes the fuel that flames the fire.

What are things that you consider when choosing a church?

Happy Father's Day- A Day Late

Meet My Dad- Craig.

He grew up as a military kid to a disinterested father and wayward mother.

Eventually him and his 2 other siblings settled on the beaches of Ventura.

In his high school years, he most definitely was THAT kid...

The Californian, long-haired, post-smoking, surfer.

He still isn't exactly sure how he passed high school, but he are all thankful that he did.

After college graduation, he found himself so stoned that he actually forgot why he was attending mechanics school and literally headed east towards Texas. The rest is actually history.

Empy, lost, and desperately needing to be saved from himself, God did exactly that.

Somewhere in the dessert between California and Texas, my Dad's car broke down and he had a Paul moment. God literally stopped him in his path and pursued my dad. God called him out on his sin, and for the first time received salvation, peace, and purpose.

He eventually made it Texas and settled there.

God birthed in him a hunger for knowledge of the Word. God used his graveyard shift at Jack-in-the box to be the platform for discipleship. There was another co-worker who did just that and thus began a new life in Christ.

In his passion for knowledge, he eventually went to Bible college where he met my lovely mother. She couldn't resist his dark and handsome good looks (maybe that's where I get it from) and at the young age of 19 and 21 they were married. The next five years following they would have three daughters: Shannon, Amber, and last but definitely not least, me.

And thus begins the beauty of a legacy. A legacy that would be built up in heaven.

Recently, I have the joy of engaging in lots of conversations discussing Biblical manhood, legacy, and choosing to live in a meaningful story.

As I get old, I mean older, I appreciate the sacrifices and choices that my dad made for our family. His choices created an ability for his daughters (we are three) to become children of Light and to live meaningful stories.

He always put our spiritual growth above anything else.

From daily family prayer times before bed to praying before meals- my dad MODELED godly leadership. We never missed a Sunday in church and I have hundreds of memories of seeing my Dad study the Word.

We never had any money growing up. We always lived very simply, but I also never remember lacking anything either.

My dad is a hard worker. He would always take on extra-jobs, working hard to provide for the four women in his life that he adored.

He worked so that my mom could stay at home and love on us and he sacrificed to give a private Christian education for his daughters.

Every sacrificial decision my dad made was in light of his commitment to Christ and his responsibility to care for us. He also has been a constant presence in my life. Showing up to cheerleading games, piano recitals, roses on Valentine's day, a surprise visit in India, visits to California, skype dates, and lots and lots of harassment, these are all things he did out of love. I don't honestly think he thought twice about it.

As the years go by and I hear other people's stories, I am forever grateful for my godly Father who exudes Biblical manhood.

And in return, I am forever a Daddy's girl.

Daddy,

Thanks for all the hugs, kisses, and I love you's.

Thank you for your genes. You know that I am an exact clone of you- don't ever forget that.

Thanks for always harrassing me.

Thanks for letting me still sit in your lap (even thought you protest)

Thanks for the memories of sitting in your study discussing theology and the deeper things in life.

Thanks for all the daddy-daughter dates- especially coffee and movies.

Thanks for your tenderness and always crying in chick-flicks more than all the rest of us.

Thanks for your affirmation and loving me.

But most importantly thank you for choosing to raise me in a godly home and making a new legacy in the Divers' family.

I love you Daddy!

Love your half-pint.

On Saying Goodbye

In four short weeks, I will be driving my car out of California headed to Texas [Insert anxiety].

My 3 year and 9 month California residency will end.

And this might seem like a weird/odd request...

Will you please join me in praying for me in these next 4 weeks as I say goodbye?

It is really easy to get calloused in saying goodbye.

It is sometimes easier to disengage.

But I want to say goodbye, and I want to do it with excellence.

I want to pursue people and soak in last moments.

I want to speak words of truth and encouragement.

I want people to know how meaningful their friendship was in this season.

I want people to know how their story impacted my own story.

So, please pray that I would end well in this last month in California. Thanks in advance.

A Resource for Reluctant Brilliance: Question #2

My blogging friend Shannon asked me the following questions below. She is a phenomenal writer and has a beautiful heart. Girl, I hope this helps. I would love to answer anymore questions that you have.

I ask that those that read would engage in the conversation and ask additional questions, add to this or comment on ways you agree or disagree. Let's keep the conversation going...

Q: What are/were your fears in making big missionary moves (ie. India, CA, Texas)?

A: Uprooting. Leaving community and family is always the worst. Hands down. This one never gets easier. I always fear living a life of isolation, especially as a single person. I always fear that I will be stuck in the middle of foreign people or city and be doing ministry, but then no have no support group or family to come home to. I fear that I will be lonely and that God will abandon me. This is mainly because I am community person and have to be around people. *disclaimer, thankfully for me this fear has never been a reality!

Incompetency. I always wonder if I will suck at language learning (which I typically do), or not know how to have an effective ministry, or how I will just know what to do. I fear that I won’t get the culture or that I will hate the people. I fear that the culture will be too much and I will be miserable living out what God has for me. Fear of failure and insignificance are consistent fears in my life.

The funny thing about fears is they are always unique to you. What others fear that keep them from moving will be things that typically don’t faze you and vice-versa. They are usually the things that Satan always/typically uses against you to keep you from moving. So really they aren't any more unique to anything else that God calls us to do. I mean these are the same for me rather it’s taking a new job, sharing my faith with a stranger, or moving to Texas. So realize your fears will be unique to you and not always the same as others. Usually our fears are our greatest weaknesses. And also realize that what God is calling you to in obedience will conquer fear. So don’t let fear cripple you. Let it be the thing that motivates you move.

This is going to sound super-spiritual and I don't mean for it to, but i don't remember what my fears are anymore. They don't rule my mind and they don't cripple me. I am on round three and God has always come through in such a big-way that I don't listen to my fears anymore. It is for sure a process that got me to this point, so it didn't happen overnight. I realize I am a freak, but I like making big missionary moves because God makes his presence and love for me so clear. I am obsessed with it. I am a faith junkie. I like to move where God is moving. I think the more you get used to saying yes, the easier it gets. There is something that makes you feel alive when you move towards God's plan for your life.

Q: Do you think you will always be traveling to where God calls you or do you see yourself settling down somewhere specific?

I hope that I am always traveling to where God calls me to, even if it’s humid concrete-ridden Houston. My philosophy of life is to always be ready and at a place that if God calls me I can go. So far it has landed me in a variety of places. My heart is still for the nations and all of my life decisions will be filtered by asking, “how can I best be used so that God’s name is made famous among all peoples.” Right now, my best way of having impact is to mobilize and train others in the city of Houston. I am still secretly hoping that God calls me to plant myself in a foreign land, but we shall see what He has up his sleeve.

Q: What pros/cons come along with a missionary lifestyle for you?

Cons:

1. Platforms. Visas are tricky things. Choosing to know how you will live overseas. Will you go through as a professional or through a missions agency? And either way, what kind of visa will you get. If you are a professional what organization will you “partner” with? There is no need to live cross-culturally if you are not helping feed into those who are doing church planting. Or will you be the church planter? And if you go for ministry purposes in places that it's illegal, how do you get there and stay there legally?

2. Children. What if they don’t have a great education system? Can you put your kids in their public system cause they don’t speak the language? If not, will you home school them? Will you send them to MK boarding schools- sometimes in another city or another country? Sometimes also, you will see your kids struggle, and go through culture shock, and it can be hard to know when you make decisions based on your family’s needs and your call to be in a country.

3. Family. You become an observer of your family no longer a participant. You will miss funerals, wedding, babies being born, mother’s days, father’s day, birthday, holidays, and other important highs and lows in your families’ lives. This never gets easier. And it will always be hard. On the flip side, the people you work with overseas become your family. They are who your kids call aunt and uncle. Nationals and other expats become your family and the people you share life with.

4. Community. Just because people are missionaries doesn’t mean you will like them. People you work with many times will be the hardest part. I have witnessed this first hand and it’s one of the things you wouldn’t expect. But I have seen the most ineffective ministries on the field because people can’t get along with each other on their own teams. People have different ministry philosophies and aren’t always like minded. Other expats many times will be the biggest thorn in your flesh.

5. Culture. You will always be living in the middle space as a third culture person. You bring all your Americaness with you. You will never be able to be in your own culture fully and sadly you will never be fully the culture you are ministering to. You create your own third culture- a mix of your culture and the culture you now live in. There are days when you will love the culture and never want to leave and other days when it will take everything for you to leave your house because you really just hate it. You always feel like a foreigner. But again, this is a beautiful reminder of 1 Peter that we will always feel like aliens and foreigners on this earth until we reach heaven.

Pros:

1. Hands down the best pro is being a part of the global church. There is nothing more holy than worshipping with people in a different language, with different instruments, but with the same God that saves the exact same way. It's a beauitful picture what heaven will be like.

2. You have positioned yourself in a way that it is IMPOSSIBLE to rely on your own self but you have to trust God. Therefore, you see God do some crazy awesome things. You can’t do it on your own, so God becomes real. Your prayer life increases and you find yourself asking God for awesome things like miracles and you actually see them happen. Then you realize…wow God really is the God that does miracle, saves, and gives dreams and visions. All the things you secretly long for to see in the God you serve, you actually see. Crazy stuff.

3. The bible becomes alive. It’s not longer just something you should read and learn from, but it becomes a manual for what you are doing. Everything in Scripture makes a lot more sense when you are out doing what the apostles did. I think the reason why we don’t like reading our Bibles in America is because we don’t live in the story. And it’s hard to understand and relate when you are spectator. Once you become a part of the story, there is a new level or relating and understanding why that verse was written.

4. Your worldview expands and therefore you understand pieces of God you never understood before. God is no longer just seen as the Western God, but you see God from new lens through the eyes of another culture.

5. You are forced to live out the gospel and there is no greater joy. You have cultural reminders on a moment by moment basis that remind you aren’t home. And therefore it is a consistent and constant reminder to share. You realize if you don’t, then all the hardship, uncomfortableness, and difficulty of surviving isn’t worth it. So seeing God move through lives being saved and gospel conversations is what keeps you on the field. If not, you would just go home.

Shannon, I hope this helps answer your questions. I look forward to hearing any comments or additional thoughts. Thanks for asking my opinion!

A Resource for Reluctant Brilliance: Question #1

Recently, a few of my blogging friends decided that we would make an open forum for other bloggers to ask us questions, and then respond. We have coined it "A Resource for Relunctant Brilliance." There were four questions addressed to me, and I chose the easiest one to answer first! I apologize in advance for the length of this blog post. Feel free to skim.

The first question was asked by my blogging friend Rissa.

Q: How do you come to the conclusion that even though you desire marriage that you do not think you will get married :) [insert Alicia] I actually think this question is slightly off, I originally said it wasn't a guarantee that I would get married not necessarily that I thought I wouldn't.

A: The very first time that Rissa and I hung out, we somehow got on the topic of getting married. Not too bizarre considering we’re both single. And we very quickly kind of came to terms that we might actually agree to disagree on this topic. She very strongly believes that because I have a desire to be married that it is guaranteed that I will, without doubt, be married one day. And I don’t believe my desire for marriage guarantees/necessiates that I will be married one day. Hence, agreeing to disagree.

I am in my late twenties and single. Right now, I epitomize the stereotype that all missions minded females are single. However, I am reserving my blue jean skirt and braided hair for maybe, let’s say- my late thirty and single days. J I have a strong desire to be married and raise a family. But for some reason, God has not chosen that for me, yet. I have watched God intentionally bring men in and out of my life, but for some reason he always shuts the door. The honest truth is that my most recent break-up ( a few years back) caused me to be angry at God for giving me something I wanted so badly and then just taking it away. So don’t misunderstand, I am not a bionic woman that tosses my marital desires to the wind.

However, I am not convinced that just because God has given me a desire to married that it necessitates that I will. Call me Debbie Downer or Hopeless Hannah...wah wah wah. But I don’t find anywhere in Scripture that supports this idea. The desire to be married is the most innate God-given desire that he places in all of us. That is why God created Eve, because man should not be alone. Those that don’t desire to be in a marriage relationship to me is evidence of sin and distortion of a beautiful, original, and innate design of marriage. I think everyone has some kind of natural desire to be married, it’s universal, and more importantly God-given.

Having a desire to get married guaranteeing marriage to me is equivalent to the cultural lie of the health and wealth gospel. Marriage is not promised to all believers. He doesn’t promise all things to all people equally. There might be something new he wants to do in my heart that he couldn’t have done if I was married with a family. Who knows? I ask the question why all the time. But there is no answer.

For me, I have chosen to focus on what God has called me to in singleness, right now. Don’t get me wrong, I am just as boy crazy as the girl next door, but I find that if I focus on obtaining a husband and assuming the promise of that, then I might miss out on what God has put in front of me. I don’t want to get to heaven one day, and God say why didn’t you serve the nations. And my only response was that I was waiting for him to send me a spouse. It is a mistruth for me to state that I think I will never get married. However, I just don’t think that it is a certified, and a heaven signed, sealed, and delivered promise that God has given me. He does however promise me that He will never leave me or forsake me. And He has ordained and counted all my days, and that He desires my holiness and my purity. These are the promises I cling to.

My heart is ministry and the nations. I wouldn’t be me if I gave up these passions. And there has not yet been a man that has pursued me to do this together. And so if, and when, God brings me a ministry partner that allows me to do ministry better because we are together, then I am game. But I have also come to understand that God might consider my life lived in singleness to be a better investment for the gospel and for the nations to know Christ. Honestly, most days I struggle with the truth and reality of this statement playing out currently in my life. And it forces to me cling to the cross and remember that life is not about me. But my life is all about see God’s name becoming famous to all peoples, all nations, and all people groups. And that’s the only thing that keeps me going.

So Rissa, I hope this better helps flush out why I said that. Feel free to ask clarifying questions.

On a side note, I recently found out that my soon to be pastor has been praying for me to find my husband, daily. Bless him. I was touched that as he is lifting up all these important things with the church plant he is mentioning my marriage. So if it happens, it’s because Curtis prayed it in! I still have my fingers crossed for a dark and handsome one, some things never change.

A Memorial To God

Throughout the Old Testament God asks His people to raise up memorials as physical reminders of what God did in the lives of His people. For example…

So Joshua called together the twelve men he had chosen- one from each of the tribes of Israel. He told them, “Go into the middle of the Jordan in front of the Ark of the Lord your God. Each of you must pick up one stone and carry it out on your shoulder—twelve stones in all, one for each of the twelve tribes of Israel. We will use these stones to build a memorial. In the future your children will ask you, ‘What do these stones mean?’ Then you can tell them, ‘They remind us that the Jordan River stopped flowing when the Ark of the Lord’s Covenant went across.’ These stones will stand as a memorial among the people of Israel forever.’

Before this passage the Israelites find themselves in an “inciting incident”. They have made a decision that has forced them towards movement. They either cross the high fast moving waters and walk by faith or they stay put and miss out on the blessings of the land that God promised to them dozens of times previously. Thankfully they moved and God showed up in a way that they had to stop and acknowledge His miraculous hand, His faithfulness, and His ability to come through when it mattered. In my current season, I find myself identifying with the Isrealites. Mostly their lack of faith in the promises of God, but today (and really all year) I have seen God move in such a clear God way that I couldn't help but keep silent.

I can’t ignore God’s faithfulness and provision in my life. And I want to lift His name high. I want to raise His banner of FAITHFULNESS and declare HIS praises from the highest mountain top and scream…“HE IS TRUSTWORTHY, HE IS GOOD, HE IS FAITHFUL, HE IS PROVIDER!” So this post, simple and mostly written for me, is my own memorial to God.

Today, I had a phone interview for a job that kind of fell in my lap, literally. I didn’t seek it out, it found me. The man interviewing me is a businessman that is a part of the core that is helping to plant Bayou City Fellowship. He had a position as his assistant open and I sent in my resume. This morning I talked to him on the phone. I didn’t get the job I originally “applied” for because they need someone to fill that position this week. However, he did offer me an opportunity to interview me for another position within his company when I arrive in Texas next month! So I walked away today not with a job, but a promise of a job interview and with a recommendation from one of the executives of the company! God you are good.

Secondly, my original intent was to transfer to Starbucks in Houston. Still my plan if the other falls through, and my manager was saying that it was going to be really hard for me to transfer and find a store that would take me. Today, I made 2 phone calls and the second one I made the manager told me I could transfer to her store! Ha, nothing is too difficult for our God.

By 9 am this morning, I have a promise of two jobs. I am still hoping for the non-Starbucks job because it will be reliable hours and put me in a great position to start paying of my student debt!

These are stones in my life that God has used that remind me of what God had done in my life:
Stone #1: Unemployment Insurance
Stone #2: Job at Starbucks
Stone #3: Random checks that kept me afloat from random people at just the right time.
Stone #4: A call from Curtis and Amanda offering me a job in Texas.
Stone #5: Someone offered to pay off my credit card debt! This still brings tears to my eyes.
Stone #6: YMCA job for the spring.
Stone #7: I somehow work part-time, still collect on unemployment, and for the first time in my life have a small savings and no credit card debt! Yep, the math doesn’t add up. That’s how God works.
Stone #8: He provided a place for me to live practically for free with another family in our church plant.
Stone #9: He has provided a place for me to transfer for a job and a potential other job that will pay a lot more than Starbucks and help me get a good place financially for the first time in a long time!

Jehovah Jireh,
Thank you for being a Father that takes care of His children. Thank you for not forgetting about me but showing your faithfulness to me through loss, promise, and purpose. You are worthy and you are good despite my sin and my faithlessness. God, your movement and love for me keeps me chasing even when I have no idea where I am going. I pray my life is always an offering that I lay at your feet. Use me as a living banner and memorial of your love and faithfulness to the nations. May you use me in ways that are utterly disproportionate to who I am.