A Resource for Reluctant Brilliance: Question #1

Recently, a few of my blogging friends decided that we would make an open forum for other bloggers to ask us questions, and then respond. We have coined it "A Resource for Relunctant Brilliance." There were four questions addressed to me, and I chose the easiest one to answer first! I apologize in advance for the length of this blog post. Feel free to skim.

The first question was asked by my blogging friend Rissa.

Q: How do you come to the conclusion that even though you desire marriage that you do not think you will get married :) [insert Alicia] I actually think this question is slightly off, I originally said it wasn't a guarantee that I would get married not necessarily that I thought I wouldn't.

A: The very first time that Rissa and I hung out, we somehow got on the topic of getting married. Not too bizarre considering we’re both single. And we very quickly kind of came to terms that we might actually agree to disagree on this topic. She very strongly believes that because I have a desire to be married that it is guaranteed that I will, without doubt, be married one day. And I don’t believe my desire for marriage guarantees/necessiates that I will be married one day. Hence, agreeing to disagree.

I am in my late twenties and single. Right now, I epitomize the stereotype that all missions minded females are single. However, I am reserving my blue jean skirt and braided hair for maybe, let’s say- my late thirty and single days. J I have a strong desire to be married and raise a family. But for some reason, God has not chosen that for me, yet. I have watched God intentionally bring men in and out of my life, but for some reason he always shuts the door. The honest truth is that my most recent break-up ( a few years back) caused me to be angry at God for giving me something I wanted so badly and then just taking it away. So don’t misunderstand, I am not a bionic woman that tosses my marital desires to the wind.

However, I am not convinced that just because God has given me a desire to married that it necessitates that I will. Call me Debbie Downer or Hopeless Hannah...wah wah wah. But I don’t find anywhere in Scripture that supports this idea. The desire to be married is the most innate God-given desire that he places in all of us. That is why God created Eve, because man should not be alone. Those that don’t desire to be in a marriage relationship to me is evidence of sin and distortion of a beautiful, original, and innate design of marriage. I think everyone has some kind of natural desire to be married, it’s universal, and more importantly God-given.

Having a desire to get married guaranteeing marriage to me is equivalent to the cultural lie of the health and wealth gospel. Marriage is not promised to all believers. He doesn’t promise all things to all people equally. There might be something new he wants to do in my heart that he couldn’t have done if I was married with a family. Who knows? I ask the question why all the time. But there is no answer.

For me, I have chosen to focus on what God has called me to in singleness, right now. Don’t get me wrong, I am just as boy crazy as the girl next door, but I find that if I focus on obtaining a husband and assuming the promise of that, then I might miss out on what God has put in front of me. I don’t want to get to heaven one day, and God say why didn’t you serve the nations. And my only response was that I was waiting for him to send me a spouse. It is a mistruth for me to state that I think I will never get married. However, I just don’t think that it is a certified, and a heaven signed, sealed, and delivered promise that God has given me. He does however promise me that He will never leave me or forsake me. And He has ordained and counted all my days, and that He desires my holiness and my purity. These are the promises I cling to.

My heart is ministry and the nations. I wouldn’t be me if I gave up these passions. And there has not yet been a man that has pursued me to do this together. And so if, and when, God brings me a ministry partner that allows me to do ministry better because we are together, then I am game. But I have also come to understand that God might consider my life lived in singleness to be a better investment for the gospel and for the nations to know Christ. Honestly, most days I struggle with the truth and reality of this statement playing out currently in my life. And it forces to me cling to the cross and remember that life is not about me. But my life is all about see God’s name becoming famous to all peoples, all nations, and all people groups. And that’s the only thing that keeps me going.

So Rissa, I hope this better helps flush out why I said that. Feel free to ask clarifying questions.

On a side note, I recently found out that my soon to be pastor has been praying for me to find my husband, daily. Bless him. I was touched that as he is lifting up all these important things with the church plant he is mentioning my marriage. So if it happens, it’s because Curtis prayed it in! I still have my fingers crossed for a dark and handsome one, some things never change.